Tip of the Day: Maintaining a Good & Healthy Marriage

"A marriage may be made in heaven,

but the maintenance must be done on earth."

-God's Little Instruction Book

After building a relationship with someone, experiencing the whirlwind of an engagement, wedding & honeymoon & possibly the birth of one or multiple children,  many wake up one day to realize that they no longer spend time or energy on their relationship; sadly, there can be days or weeks between real conversations, one on one time or physical intimacy.  It can happen to anyone, no matter how much they love their spouse.

In order to prevent this from happening within the confines of your marriage, it may require you to step back and ask yourself what it is your spouse needs the most from you & how you can best meet their needs.  In return, and to prevent you from feeling forgotten, make it a point to also make it clear what you feel you need the most from your spouse. When your spouse sees you honestly trying to meet their needs, they will most likely want to do the same for you.

Here are three simple tips on how to maintain a healthy marriage:

• Realize the two of you are on the same team. Realize your spouse is there to support you, strengthen you, assist you and of course, love you. Once you understand it is not "you" against "him/her", but rather, the two of you facing life's challenges together, a burden will most likely be lifted immediately. Remember:

"Two are better than one,
   because they have a good return for their labor:
¹⁰ If either of them falls down,
   one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
   and has no one to help them up.
¹¹ Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
   But how can one keep warm alone?
¹² Though one may be overpowered,
   two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. "

-Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 

• Learn to laugh together (or remember to laugh together, if you used to & life got in the way). It's always interesting to look around at a restaurant & attempt to guess which couples there are married & which ones are dating. More often than not, you can spot the "dating" couples by their intense conversations, body language & the laughter drifting from their table. Sadly, I have seen many married couples (both young and old) who can sit through an entire meal at a restaurant without saying a word, other than when speaking to the wait staff. Remind yourself what it was that attracted you to your spouse in the beginning & focus on making your spouse laugh...and most likely, without even realizing it, the two of you will be back to cuddling, holding hands and giggling about your inside jokes.

• Discuss your finances on a regular basis.  It always amazes me that financial crisis, stress or mismanagement of funds is listed as one of the top ten reasons couples get divorced. In my opinion, a couple's finances should be discussed on a very regular basis. I say that not to suggest you hound your spouse and/or complain about how much or how little they make, but to say you (as a couple)  must control your money. Do not be afraid of the word "budget". Without one, there is no rhyme or reason to your spending habits, which will most likely cause stress within your relationship.  There are so many couples that do not live with a budget, but rather, spend what they want, buy what they want, do what they want, without any regard for their spouse's or their family's needs and/or wants. In my opinion, regular conversations regarding the family's budgets, goals & even the frivolous wants is important when it comes to maintaining a happy & healthy relationship. Knowing the two of you are on the same page regarding your money will help remove any worry, shame or stress you may be feeling when it comes to the shape of your finances.
• Do you have more questions or concerns regarding your family's finances? I suggest you check out Dave Ramsey, radio host of The Dave Ramsey Show & author of Financial Peace & The Total Money Makeover, two of my favorite "how to" books.