Having a successful job, a family & creative outlets you enjoy are usually thought of as the foundations for living the "good life". But, sometimes it's hard to keep a healthy balance between it all.
It didn't really come as a shock when my husband complained about how much time I was spending on the computer in the evenings. However, I didn't realize how much it bothered him. It's easy to fall into a rut, doing the same things each day without realizing what's happened. In my mind, I was simply perusing the Internet or blogging while my husband watched "his" shows after we put our daughter to bed. The problem was, he felt like that was keeping us from engaging in conversation.
But the same goes for my husband's attachment to his Blackberry. I often find myself getting frustrated with how many times he checks it throughout the evening. And let's not even talk about how annoyed I was when he had to check & send emails while we were on vacation in Disney World! I know his job is important & he enjoys what he does, but I end up wishing we could turn the Blackberry off sometimes.
The point is, we had both fallen into the technology trap. We might have been in the same room, but neither of us were being 100% present & focused on each other. Between TVs, DVRs, smart phones, iPads, tablets & laptops, it's easy to go an entire day without having even an hour of "screen free" time.
Here are 5 tips my husband & I are going to personally try that may help you avoid any marital strife while encouraging a healthy balance between it all:
- Keep a Flexible Schedule:
- Let the spouse with the most flexibility run the majority of the family errands.
- I'll admit there are plenty errands that I don't enjoy running (ex. taking the dog to the groomer, driving across town to the hospital pharmacy to pick up my daughter's medicine, etc). And most of the time my husband offers to do these things & I'm quick to let him. I've realized, though, that although his job is flexible, over scheduling him causes un-needed stress & tires him out more quickly.
- Overall, it just makes sense for me to do these things, even if they aren't my idea of fun.
- Ration Screen-Time:
- When you're together, be present. Not just physically present, but emotionally invested. Conversing, exchanging ideas, discussing the day, your goals, etc.
- Of course we'll still relax& watch TV & use the computer, but we'll do it in moderation. Most things are ok when done in moderation.
- My goal: Finish blogging by the time my husband gets home & if that's not possible, I'll spend a max of 1 hour on the computer in the evenings.
- My hope for my husband: that he'll turn his Blackberry off when he gets home. I don't know if I'm being realistic, so if not, then hopefully he'll at least limit his use to the same hour I'm using on the computer.
- Check In Recently:
- Each week, hold a "family meeting" to discuss how you feel it's going. This doesn't have to be formal...just keep the dialogue open. This will also give you time to keep the family organized & will hopefully keep you from over scheduling yourselves.
- Keep yourself from doing too much in one weekend. It's hard for me to say no to things, but when I say yes to everything, I end up either being gone the whole weekend or being too tired to hang out with my family when I am there. To prevent this, try to keep at least one day completely free for family time.
- Share Your Interests:
- I'm guessing that when you were dating, the two of you participated in each other's favorite activities & hobbies. It's a natural way to bond & grow closer. Now that you're married & there's possibly children in the mix, don't let "stuff" get in the way of doing life together.
- Schedule Regular Vacations:
- Don't worry: by "vacation", I don't mean anything expensive & extravagant. It could be for a day or just a long weekend & it doesn't have to break the budget. Remember, the most important thing is that everyone gets time to recharge, relax & take a break from the hectic schedules we endure on a day to day basis.
- On the same note, think about taking a "vacation" from your technology habits...even if it's just for a day. Think about how happy your spouse would be if you turned your laptop or Blackberry off one Saturday & declared the day as "Family Day"!
Overall, simplifying our lives & increasing the amount of time we spend with our spouses & families is bound to have positive results. And remember, doing all things in moderation is one of the keys to a healthy, happy & well balanced life.
Sources: Verne Harnish, CEO of Gazelles Inc, Fortune Magazine.
**You can find more marriage tips HERE**
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